Film and TV

Simply Red: For the Last Time, ITV1, Saturday, 11.40pm
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TV Choice:Simply Red, Clarkson & the Bermuda Triangle

By Hugh Fort
December 02, 2010

Every week our square-eyed reporters take a look at what’s on TV – the highlights and the lowlights – and pick what they think you should watch or avoid.

Simply Red: For the Last Time, ITV1, Saturday, 11.40pm

A band only liked by middle-aged women, Mick Hucknall and the other however many have been polluting the airwaves with their dreadful pap for long enough.

But now they’re promising to hang up their mics.

Simply Red 25: The Greatest Hits

Sadly, before they go, they’re insisting on having one of those awful ITV1 farewell shows.

Even worse, we have to have a tour of Manchester with Hucknall himself. This walkabout includes a visit to Old Trafford as he is one of only nine Manchester United fans to actually live in Manchester.

It’s baffling how music this bad, led by a man so unappealing has done so well, but if you do like them this is your chance to hear their greatest hits for one last time.

I personally think the US army should record this and use it as a torture technique.

Jeremy Clarkson: Greatest Raid of All Time, BBC Two, Sunday, 8pm

The big-haired, opinionated car bore is back – this time talking about history.

Like the other Top Gear presenters, Jezza is branching out (perhaps in an effort to persuade us he’s not just a car bore) into other areas, in this case the past.

Jeremy Clarkson on Amazon.co.uk

He’s an acquired taste, but I like him – he’s funny enough to get his somewhat bonkers views across.

Here, he tells the story of Operation Chariot, a raid of the dock of St Nazaire in March 1942.

The raid resulted in 80 medals being given out to soldiers, as it was thought to be virtually impossible. The objective was to destroy the gates of the port to stop the terrifying battleship Tirpitz.

Fancy special effects are used to re-create the operation, which saw 169 casualties.

Bermuda Triangle: The Mystery Revealed, Five, Sunday, 8pm

Another educational type programme, this time exploring the famous Bermuda triangle area. It asks why so many planes and ships have been lost there.

The ‘triangle’ is an area of the Atlantic Ocean between Bermuda, Miami, Florida and Puerto Rico where many planes and ships have simply disappeared.

The documentary sets out to discover why the mysterious area has claimed so many lives.

People like to suggest it’s a mysterious, ghostly area full of evil plane-eating spirits.

Me? I reckon it’s a massive area of sea with really bad weather which is extremely difficult to get across, that due to its size means it’s also extremely difficult to find things.

And the reason why they disappear? Well, they land in the water and sink don’t they?

The Perfect Storm, BBC One, Wednesday, 11.25pm

An excellent cast including George Clooney and Mark Walhberg (but not The Funky Bunch) make up this film.

The crew find themselves in the slightly unfortunate predicament of being at sea, in a small boat, during the worst storm of the 20th century.

When two super mega-storms meet about their heads, the guys have to do everything they can to survive. The film is a gripping tale on showing what you do (not much unfortunately).

Getting very wet is one option and drowning another.

The special effects are spectacular, with waves the size of skyscrapers a regular occurrence.

Based on a true story, it’s awe-inspiring yet utterly terrifying, giving us an insight into what it must have been like on the boat while all this was going on.

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