Stars Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Garner, Anne Hathaway, Ashton Kutcher, Shirley MacLaine and Julia Roberts

See trailer below

Director Garry Marshall is a naturally warm and funny guy, so you can’t help but question why his latest film Valentine’s Day is such a cynical, by-numbers rom-com; a ploy to extract money from the pockets of a trusting, movie-going public.

The man behind Pretty Woman, you would imagine that Mr Marshall has all the ingredients at his disposal to craft a charming and heartfelt ode to this celebratory day of love but Valentine’s Day is more a superficial and insincere attempt to make a US-version of Richard Curtis’s Love Actually.

Telling the stories of several different romances, Valentine’s Day weaves each strand together to create a tapestry of intertwining love tales designed to make your heart go pitty-pat.

In the hands of rom-com specialist Marshall, the film should be a piece of whimsical, heartwarming fluff, with a script and characters to make your investment of time – and money – worthwhile.

However, a distinct lack of laughs coupled with a soulless, lightweight screenplay and poorly-drawn characters means that a trip to see Valentine’s Day with your loved one will more likely result in a bust-up as you blame your partner for dragging you to see this tripe than it will provoke a stirring up of love hormones.

And it’s a shame. 

The romantic comedy comes in for a lot of stick as a genre and, consequently, we don’t usually expect much. However, here is a cast that includes Julia Roberts, Patrick Dempsey, Ashton Kutcher, Topher Grace,

Jennifer Garner, Anne Hathaway, Hector Elizondo and Bradley Cooper, as well as Kathy Bates, Jamie Foxx and Shirley MacLaine; so we expect Valentine’s Day to deliver.

Perhaps surprisingly, pick of the performances comes from singer Taylor Swift, who is both enchanting and amusing in her feature film debut as the ditsy head-over-heels schoolgirl.

Julia Roberts, meanwhile is disappointingly dowdy and glum – a far cry from her days as the gorgeous tart-with-a-heart in Pretty Woman that made her name.

Worst of all is Jessica Biel who may well be easy on the eye but makes excruciatingly hard work of acting.

The most touching of all the narrative strands is the Hector Elizondo-Shirley MacLaine pairing. The film would have benefited from building this in as its central focus, spending more time exploring the intricacies of their relationship than toiling to highlight some of the other weak and insignificant stories. 

Sadly, even this affecting story is ruined with a ridiculous, embarrassing and unoriginal denouement.

Marshall is already planning a sequel, set to be called New Year’s Day. Heed this advice: boycott Valentine’s Day and save the world from another pointless and depressingly awful rom-com.

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