Film and TV

The live action in GI Joe: Rise of the Cobra might appeal to the adolescent boys the film is aimed at, but the lack of a plot makes it a mess
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GI Joe: Rise of the Cobra (12a)

By Kim Francis
August 12, 2009

No expense has been spared when it comes to publicity for the wannabe summer blockbuster GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra. You can’t have failed to notice the larger than life posters of its stars adorning the sides of buses and the irritating, flickering pop-ups on your computer screen.

But is the film any good?

Perversely, it’s often the case that the quality of a film is actually inversely proportionate to the amount of paid-for publicity it receives.

GI Joe certainly lives up to that theory.

The story, scant though it is, is based around the eponymous popular American toy and focuses on the elite military group known as

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GI Joe (Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity).

This team of special operatives, armed with the very latest in high-tech kit, must bring down Cobra, a nefarious organisation headed by an evil Scottish arms dealer (Christopher Eccleston) intent on causing global chaos.

Directed by Stephen Sommers, the man behind the inexplicably successful The Mummy, The Mummy Returns and the dross that was Van Helsing, you have some idea of what to expect.

Sommers is nothing if not consistent, even if his consistency lies in making bad big budget, action-focussed, CGI-heavy, ‘family-friendly’ violence-laced, lame humour-spattered, science fantasy-edged action adventure nonsense.

Oh yes, there’s plenty of action and CGI but it is rarely entertaining and there isn’t an iota of suspense or tension throughout the whole film.

Having seen fit to substitute a decent story and characterisation for disorientating action and extreme noise levels, Sommers tries to erase the significance of the plot, while bringing us baddies that are laughable without even a hint that they might be tongue-in-cheek.

GI Joe may well appeal on some level to adolescent and pre-pubescent boys, most notably in the sight of Sienna Miller in a rubber catsuit (pictured inset), but it certainly lacks the cool factor that films like X-Men have in spades.

It ain’t cool, it ain’t clever and it certainly ain’t entertaining but by far the worst thing about GI Joe:

The Rise of Cobra – and the clue is in the film’s two-part title – is the threat that this film is just the first part of a very unwelcome franchise.

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I saw the movie and found it (and I'm not a die-hard fan of GI Joe) very entertaining. Even though the script was weak, the actors did a fine job considering what they had to work with. NEWSFLASH: Cobra was NOT the name of the organization run by James McCullen (Destro) - his organization was called, MARS! The title of the movies was referring to how Cobra Commander came into existence - if you were paying attention, you would have picked up on that. All the other stuff was just there to keep the movie going and I didn't mind that it was a lot of explosions, etc. I'd rather see that in a Movie than the real horrors going on in Iraq, Iran & Pakistan!! So put that in your pipe and smoke it! And if a sequel does come out who cares? Marvel is trying to reintro all its older comic characters including this one! I say, 'GO JOE!'