FUNDRAISING is a fiercely competitive business.

Charity collectors are faced with the twin evils of compassion fatigue and the credit crunch to try to raise money for good causes.

Consequently, the lengths people are prepared to go to in an effort to part people from their money are ever more elaborate.

The Surrey Advertiser ran a story recently on how Matt Wilson plans to swim, cycle and run from London to Edinburgh.

His training involves swimming in the River Wey where, among other perils he faces, he is occasionally attacked by the waterway’s resident swans.

Some have scaled Mount Everest or run across the desert, while others have performed endless Herculean tasks which make snaring shoppers on the high street while wearing a fluorescent tabard seem pretty tame.

If the imagined adventures of one of the slower members of the animal kingdom are to be believed however, all other endeavours pale in comparison.

An urgent plea to find a missing pet came through to the newsroom via e-mail. Nothing unusual about that per se.

But this was about a missing tortoise. Missing from Radlett, in Hertfordshire.

Like a reptile Alice in Wonderland, Darren made a bid for freedom in August last year through a rabbit hole in his owner’s garden.

If he had made it to Guildford, his journey would have taken him 47 miles, presuming he had taken the route recommended by AA route-planner, forcing him to negotiate both the M25 and the A3.

There is some method to the apparent madness of Darren’s owner however, in contacting a newspaper on the other side of London.

Darren’s distraught owner believed there had been three sightings of his pet.

The last one was at Radlett cricket ground, where players from a visiting team are suspected of abducting him.

The message from Darren’s owner points out that at a sprightly 12-years-old, the tortoise is still growing.

Without the proper diet including tortoise vitamin supplements, his shell can become deformed.

Furthermore the reptiles are not suited to life in our damp climate and are difficult to keep in prime health.

Even Blue Peter got through about five tortoises in 30 years, Darren’s owner points out.

Reptiles can also carry salmonella, all of which raises questions about how Darren achieved his status as a treasured family pet.

Nonetheless, he is loved and missed.

If you think you have seen a male spur-thighed tortoise, black and very dark brown, about 20cm long and weighing 1kg, please take him to a vet.

Darren is fitted with a microchip you see and can be reunited with his owner with the minimum of fuss.

I am assured that there is a very, very large reward for his return.